I officially start my journey today: losing 51 pounds in 51 weeks. My goal is to walk the 2011 Chicago Avon Walk for Breast Cancer as a SKINNY GIRL. Last weekend I walked the Avon Walk for the second year in a row. It seemed harder than the first time, even though my feet had far less damage this year. The day after the walk, my sister was nice enough to print all of our pictures from the weekend and I was horrified to see exactly how I looked. No wonder my feet and knees were killing me all weekend... they had to carry all that weight for 39.3 miles! Right then and there I made a promise to myself that I would not continue down this path of gaining 5-10 pounds a year. I am a SKINNY GIRL at heart, but now I need to show the rest of the world.
At 5'2", I was always considered "petite". Growing up I was always super skinny. Can you believe that at one point I actually wished that I wasn't so skinny? I hated how my ribs and hips always seemed to stick out. I thought it was disgusting. Now I would give anything for that body. It just goes to show, you need to be careful what you wish for.
I never really watched what I ate in those days and I can't say I ate healthy foods. But I never ate very much. I had a small stomach that filled up rather quickly. When I met my husband's family, I was very self-conscious of this. They were big eaters and being from a rural area, they were big meat and potatoes eaters. I was in awe of the piles of food they would put on there plates. And they would eat every last crumb and usually go back for seconds! I would take tiny portions and barely eat that. I felt like they were all judging me for that. Well, that certainly isn't the case now! Don't get me wrong, I am not blaming my husband or his family for my own eating habits. I know I'm the only one responsible for my actions. I'm just explaining how I used to be when I was skinny. I'm hoping it helps me find my way back to that place.
Throughout high school and much of college, I stayed roughly the same weight - between 100 and 110 pounds. The first time I gained weight after high school was when my sister and I went backpacking in Europe. Once again, I didn't eat very much at the time, which was good because we didn't want to spend all of our money on food. But we were walking a great deal and much of the time we were carrying 40lb backpacks. We were burning a lot more calories. Towards the end of the trip we were in Italy and Greece and I began eating a lot more because the food was so incredible!. When we got back home I had discovered I had gained 5 pounds! I'm sure a lot of it was muscle and I feel like that was when I really looked my best. In fact I remember someone commenting on how great I looked after that trip. And I felt great, and very self-confident. Funny the things that stick in your mind! Well, coming back to life as a typical 21 year old, it was harder to keep up. I maintained the weight for a couple of years, but it took more of an effort.
In 1997 I met Drew. And I was still skinny. As I mentioned before, Drew grew up in a family that ate and really enjoyed eating. The two of us spent a lot of time together going out to eat at restaurants. We both still lived at home with our parents so this was our little escape. Unfortunately, even after we had our own house, we were eating out a lot. By the time we got married I was about 10 pounds heavier than when we met. And it all continued to go down hill from there. Having the kids didn't help much either. It was fine when Mitch was a baby, but as they all got older I found myself finishing their meals because we didn't want to "waste" food and they weren't going to finish it. Now I have actually caught myself sneaking food behind their backs because I don't want to share with them. How pathetic is that!
I've watched shows and read articles about eating habits and how most are based on some emotional need. I try to look deep into my soul to figure out why I eat and I really can't see any reason other than the fact that I love the way foods taste. I'm sure if I were to go to a "professional" they would find some other reason, but I can't see it right now.
In the past I have tried many times to diet and shed some pounds. I tend to get frustrated when I pig out one day and I give up the whole damn thing. This time I'm trying to be honest with myself. I know I will fall off the wagon. I know there will be parties or dinners or get-togethers where I will give in to temptation and eat whatever I want. But the next day or the next meal, I just have to get right back in the game and keep working toward my goal. Losing 1 pound a week is totally doable. I'm not looking for miracles where I lose 50 lbs in 2 weeks. It would never happen. I didn't gain 50 pounds in 2 weeks so why would I expect to lose it that quickly. I think the key is that I need to be more conscious of what I eat (more fruits/veggies and less junk food) and exercise more. I know I don't need to be running marathons, but I need to keep moving. I also need to increase my water in-take and drink a lot less soda. Before this year's walk, I actually gave up soda for more than 6 weeks! I was so proud of myself. And my kids were really supportive too! It felt great! But then I slipped up once and it was all over. I've proved that I have the will power to do it once, so I know I can do it again!
With that, I need to keep moving!
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